Have you ever found yourself thinking, but I thought we were friends? Have you ever been hurt by a friend? You're very lucky if you have never been hurt or disapointed by a friend, someone who you thought you could trust then later turned out to be completely untrustworthy! Most of us don't wish to talk about being hurt after a broken friendship but without confronting the problem via talking, it may haunt you for years, and may affect your relationships in the future. While everyone's friendship experiences may be different there are always common factors to the stories that hurt and confuse us. As accepting human-beings we often see our friends and family as the closest and most important people, this is why we are so badly affected when they disapoint us.
Jan Yager has writen the book 'When Friendship Hurts' it explains how to deal with friends who betray, abandon or wound you. "Dr Jan Yager is a sociologist who has been studying friendship for more than 25 years." This book explores the ideas of why friendships end, people become untrustworthy and in detail explains whether you should mend or fix the failed friendship.
Jan Yager says "Losing a friend can be confusing, hurtful and very difficult to overcome. I aim to help people understand what has happened and how to avoid going through the same situation in the future".
To understand why we are getting hurt we need to understand the types of friends we have and how to communicate with negative friends and rid ourself of the friends who are toxic. We all have a radar to determine those friends who are postive, helpful and caring, those friends are the ones we need to surround ourselves in.
Jan Yager as found that there are 21 types of negative friends:
1. The Promise breaker- constantly disapoints you, breaks out of plans at the last minute and breaks promises.
2. The Taker- always borrows and fails to return anything, include precious items
3. The Double-crosser- betrays you big time (only let this happen once!)
4. The Risk-taker- puts you in harm's way because of their illegal or dangerous behaviour
5. The Self-absorbed- never has time to listen to you, but always has times to talk about them
6.The Cheat- lies or steals your romantic partner
7. The Discloser- betrays your confidence
8. The Competitor- excessively compative with you and wants what you have in regards to your relationship, job, car and other possessions
9. The One-upper- always has to be one up on you
10. The Rival- wants whatever you have and may even try and take it from you
11. The Fault-finder- ovely critical at all times
12. The Downer- always negative, critical and sad- ends up making you feel this way
13. The Rejecter- dislikes you and lets you know it
14. The Abuser- verbally, physically or sexually abuses you
15. The Loner- would rather be alone than with a friend or you
16. The Blood-sucker- overly dependent on you and your friends
17. The Therapist- needs to analyse everything and give you advice
18. The Interloper- overly involved in your life
19. The Copycat- Imitates you
20. The Controller- needs to dominate you or the friendship
21. The Caretaker- needs to be a friend's keeper, mother or nurse rather than keeping it equal.
Stay clear from these types of friends. Surround yourself, especially at your worst times, with your postive group of friends, this will make life easier and ultimately make you happier.
Have you had an experience where a friend has hurt, betrayed or abandoned you? it may be as common as a female friend becoming jealous of your recent success or marriage or a friend starting a rumor about you or even as horrible as a friend telling another friend everything you said in confidence to her.
Why is friendship so important to you?
What are the main differences, if any, between friendships between men and those between women?
Generally we accept that romantic couples fall out of love and move apart. Why do we expect our friendships to be any different and to last forever?
What are the things you do to stop a friendship from going bad?
Is honesty always the best policy when dealing with a negative friendship? is it best to confront your friend and discuss the situation and how you feel?
Have you seen any warning signs that your friendship is heading for a breakdown?
How do you know when you've found a true friend?