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I have a big problem with commitment, and I am at an age that I should be getting into relationships with guys. I mean, even if I like the guy, I am always SO afraid to get into a relationship with them. If I feel REALLY pressured, I usually say yes, but end up dumping them soon after. And, I'm always saying maybe. I need tons of time to think it over! I always think of the negative things. Can't get my mind off of the negative. And I end up saying no. I have broken many hearts with my pathetic method. So, what do you think?
Signed Too Scared.
Dear Too Scared,
Fear of commitment is very common in our society (especially today) - for guys and girls! Exercising some caution and fear in new and developing relationships is positive and natural. However, anticipating adverse outcomes in every situation is not healthy. In fact, it may serve to hinder a potentially worthwhile relationship, and the price you pay for this is your happiness and personal well-being. In the game of love, you must be prepared to take some risks. Sometimes our negative feelings of distrust and suspicion are projected onto others and others respond to such feelings accordingly. This only reinforces a cycle of fear. Once you give yourself a chance to experience a positive relationship, you will (in time) learn to perceive relationships in a more positive light and adopt a less fearful-avoidant approach to the art of the love. Go for it, Girlfriend!