Surviving too much Christmas spirit.
It's that time again, Christmas. The onset of the festive season brings the familiar wave of dread at the thought of spending yet another fun filled day with the entire family. Does the thought of Great Aunty Mavis with her prickly moustache planting wet kisses all over your cheeks turn your stomach, or how about the proud, condescending, smiles as the grandmothers huddle together and whisper (not very discreetly) about how will you are filling out that bra and just whose bottom you have inherited!
Never fear girls, you can cope, and the methods are not radical, just sneaky!
1. Don't forget your friends, it is important at this difficult time to ensure you form tightly knit support groups. By ensuring each person receives at least one phone call you are providing an opportunity to sneak off (if only for 10 minutes) and compare horror stories until the olds notice their hostage has escaped and bellow for you to hang up and rejoin the clan.
Before Christmas take the time to scour the aisles in K-mart, Target and Coles Fossey, memorising the stock. You should be able to recall in an instant where Aunty Bertha bought that gorgeous mumsy floral top that is "perfect for you" and will therefore be able to return it the instant the Christmas break is over. Remember to smile sweetly, say thank you, keep the tags attached, and decline to "wear it now" by saying you would love to save it for New Years Eve.
Put a small piece of everything on your plate. It's the only way to ensure you are not hassled for being "too thin and in need of some fattening up", or receiving unwarranted lectures about the dangers of dieting, and how you cannot possibly be a vegetarian because they distinctly remember you ate lamb when you were two. This also provides an excuse to miss the vile and revolting trifle your mum makes each year because you are so full from all the delicious turkey you ate.
Remember to keep topping up the wine glasses for the energetic oldies as combined with a full stomach, this will slow them down considerably for the afternoon. It is also recommended to hide all the Barry Manilow, Olivia Newton John and Frank Sinatra records as this eliminates the embarrassing sing-a-longs you could be forced to join in with. It's also advisable to remove any photo albums within reach so it is impossible for them to show naked baby pics to friends who are brave enough to drop in.
Remember girls, it is possible to stay sane during the Christmas Break, and if all else fails take your walkman and be antisocial because as we all know "the youth of today are just not what they used to be........."- Rachael B