Can he change

I'm 18 and a half years old. I have just come out of a 2 year relationship, and I need some help getting myself back on track. I was in love with my ex, Daniel, who is now 20 years old, and all was well untilabout 2 months into the relationship, when he changed into someone I never imagined. I was absolutely hooked on the guy I first met, and kept telling myself he would be that person again.

I have had depression for most of my teenage years, and he lost his mother about 4 years ago. It was a very emotionally dependant relationship, although he never admitted it. We saw each other about every day, and if we didn't, we would speak on the phone. I stayed at his house all the time, and we were also intimate. It got to the stage where I absolutely depended on him, as I had never been in a relationship before, or even had a male who was vaguely interested in me. I hated it when he wanted to see other people without me, and he used to do the same to me.

The relationship eventuated into something really horrible, and I'm not sure why. We began to fight incredibly, to the point where my parents wouldn't allow him at my house. We broke up and got back together countless times, and then he slept with a girl from his work on my 18th birthday. Even though he said I shouldn't have been upset about it, because he didn't do it "to" me as such, I took him back.

Whenever we fought, he used to tell me how he hadn't loved me for as long as he can remember, but when we were together, he would say how much we were meant to be together, and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. He bought me an $1000 ring to prove it.

He never let me out with my friends, and would work from Thursday to Sunday nights, so I would sit by myself every weekend. I have become very overweight and depressed, and I don't really know what to do about it all.

In April of this year, I got myself a good job and am studying a Diploma of Business Management and a Diploma in Human Resources through TAFE. Daniel always tells me how pathetic it all is and how I'll be stuck in a dead-end job for the rest of my life.

We haven't been together now for about 2 months, but he still calls me to talk to me and sends me messages saying thing like "I love you.. I really do." I just don't know what to make of it all because whenever I am on the phone to him, we end up screaming at each other and I end up crying, again.

This has been the biggest and most traumatic saga of my life, thus my writing to you, because I really, really need to know how to move on, and learn to teach myself to not answer his phone calls! He was the love of my life, but now he does nothing but hurt me. He tells me I'll never meet anyone that treats me the way he did. Damn straight! Anyway, I need to let go. Please Help!
Kind Regards,
Katy

Charmaine:
I hate to state the obvious but you were just too young when you began thisrelationship for it to last. It had all the classic symptoms of co-dependence which you seem to understand despite your youth. Please believe me when I tell you that it is not healthy to be involved with that type of relationship,. If you can learn that lesson now, you will be gaining the most valuable gift for the rest of your life.

The reason that you two have changed towards each other so much is simply that you are at a crucial time of emotional growth and you're changing rapidly. I'm afraid this is inevitable and there's no going back. To let go, you need to be very strong. Tell him you need a complete break for a while, and stick to it. You will never forget this boy as he was your first love, but there will be others and if you stay opento learning and growing, it can only get easier.






Body Talk Column is hosted by Charmaine Saunders. www.charmainesaunders.com

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