Ann Gallagher World Social Media Day Interview

New Data Finds More Than Half Of Aussie Kids Experience Cyberbullying

New data released from headspace National Youth Mental Health Foundation reveals more than half of young Australians (53%) have experienced cyberbullying , indicating bullying in a digital context is prevalent among young people.

Seventy per cent of young people with high and very high rates of psychological distress also said they've experienced cyberbullying, revealing a strong link between the event or events and the young person's emotional state.

"These findings are deeply concerning and highlight the serious impact cyberbullying can have on a young person's mental health", said Jason Trethowan, headspace CEO.

"Social media has become a big part of life for young people and we're encouraging parents to be aware of its impacts and what to look out for when it comes to cyberbullying so support can be provided."

Ann Gallagher, a mum from the headspace Family and Friends Reference Group experienced firsthand the impacts of cyberbullying, and the challenges that young people, parents and schools have in responding to these experiences.

"My daughter was cyberbullied by a former friendship group at her school when she identified the relationships as unhealthy for her, and tried to amicably break away from them. The bullying took place in a number of online forums and platforms, and very quickly got out of hand.

"The cyberbullying had a significant impact on my daughter's mental health and her ability to attend school. We had to work really hard for months with the school and police to find an outcome that kept her safe and enabled her time and space to recover.

"Fortunately, my daughter opened up to me about the experience quite early on so I could be there for her and work with the school to try and help, but I know this isn't always the case. I would encourage parents to be aware of what goes on so they can be there for their kids." Ann said.

Nick Duigan, Senior Clinical Advisor at headspace said there are some warning signs for which parents and guardians can be aware.

"Quite often a young person might be unwilling to open up and tell a parent or teacher about what's going on for fear of the situation getting worse.

"If you notice things like; appearing upset after using the internet or a mobile phone, changes in how they're feeling such as loneliness or distress or, a decline in school work – these can all indicate signs of mental ill-health that may be related to a type of bullying.

"We encourage anyone looking after a young person to get informed about how to support your young person to use the internet safely, and also to notice any changes in behaviour and try to open up a dialogue and understand what might be happening," said Nick.

headspace has provided six key steps for parents and guardians to follow when talking to a young person about cyberbullying:
Listen calmly to what your young person wants to say and make sure you get the full story.
Reassure your young person that they are not to blame and ask open and empathetic questions to find out more details.
Ask your young person what they want to do and what they want you to do.
Discuss some sensible strategies to handle the bullying with your young person.
Contact the school and stay in touch with them.

Check in regularly with your young person.

Advice for young people who are experiencing cyberbullying

What if you are experiencing cyberbullying?
It is important you talk to someone you trust straight away – like a parent, sibling, uncle/aunt, teacher or friend. You can also seek support at headspace through face-to-face, online or telephone services.

Do not retaliate or respond to the online bully.
Block the bully and change your privacy settings.
Report the abuse to the service and get others to as well.
It's also important to do something you enjoy to keep a healthy mind set. Catch up with friends, listen to music, play sport or chat online to the people you can trust.
Collect evidence – keep mobile phone messages, take screen shots and print emails or social networking conversations.
You can always find some helpful resources at esafety.gov.au or headspace.org.au.

What if a friend is being cyberbullied?
If you have a friend or know someone at school who is being cyberbullied:
Don't join in – don't comment on posts, images or videos.
Don't forward or share posts, images or videos that will hurt others.
Leave negative groups and conversations.
Report bullying to someone that can help – this can be an anonymous report to a parent or teacher.
Support your friend online and offline. You could say:
'I heard about the posts, you don't deserve it, I'm here for you.'

If you have a friend or know someone at school whose mental health or wellbeing is impacted as a result:
Suggest they talk to their family or confide in an adult they trust.
Try inviting your friend to undertake some of the 7 tips for a healthy headspace with you – doing stuff that's important to them, learning new ways to handle tough times, build close and connected relations, eat well, stay active, sleep enough and cut back on alcohol and other drugs. Access help online through eheadspace or face-to-face in a headspace centre.

Advice for parents whose young person is experiencing cyberbullying

What can parents do if their young person tells them they are being bullied?
There are six key steps for parents if their young person tells them they have been bullied. This also applies to cyberbullying:
Listen calmly to what your young person wants to say and make sure you get the full story.
Reassure your young person that they are not to blame and ask open and empathetic questions to find out more details.
Ask your young person what they want to do and what they want you to do.
Discuss some sensible strategies to handle the bullying with your young person.
Contact the school and stay in touch with them.
Check in regularly with your young person.

What strategies can parents suggest to their young person who is being bullied online?
You can suggest your young person should:
Avoid responding to the bullying.
Block and report anyone who is bullying online.
Protect yourself online – use privacy settings and keep records.
Encourage them to do something they enjoy to keep a healthy mind set. Catch up with friends, listen to music or play some sport.

Other things to remember:
Parenting is still the key. Although we are posting information today specifically about the online world, many or even most of the general parenting, teaching or other leadership skills and approaches you use as parents still apply. These include working on good communication with your young person, helping them engage in normal developmental challenges like school, work, hobbies, social relationships.

Building communication and trust is key to setting safe boundaries. New challenges can arise as your young person moves through adolescence due to puberty and other influences. However, keeping or improving the trust between you, making time to listen without interruptions, showing understanding of your young person's perspective and modelling and teaching negotiation, are all fundamental to setting boundaries with your young person.

You're not alone in having concerns about the online world. We are contacted about these issues frequently.
Share with other parents. Use forums. If your young person is school age, we encourage you to talk to other parents, teachers, as well as contribute to parent associations and school councils and talk about developing shared boundaries where possible, protocols about how parents use social media and more.

Set an example. Your own social media use sets an example too. Be thoughtful about your online presence and use of technology and willing to change your habits if that's needed. Sometimes inadvertently parents can inflame issues with young people and schools. (if your young person is at school) Keep to the principles of: calm and fair communication, go directly to someone you need to discuss something with, ask for someone with skills in mediation to run or join meetings if you have concerns how the conversation will go.

Schools and parents working together is important. Teachers are in a key position but are generally very time poor too. It's reasonable to expect your school to have or to develop policies that assist you in your work. Also you will see from our session today that the Office of the eSafety Commissioner has a lot of resources for educators.

Be proactive. Focus on your overall relationship with your young person, how you communicate with your young person, and your young person's mental health. Learn the warning signs so you can notice if something isn't right. Regularly check in with your young person to see how they are travelling.

Be persistent. Although it can be difficult being a parent, try not to be discouraged if your first attempt fails or feels awkward. For practical tips on the warning signs and starting the conversation, visit: headspace.org.au/friends-and-family/mental-health/.

For further information on cyberbullying please visit the eSafety Commissioners website at https://www.esafety.gov.au/

Interview with Ann Gallagher

Question: Can you talk us through your experience with cyberbullying?

Ann Gallagher: My experience lasted a very long five months. It began relatively small and I am so very thankful Stephanie came to me straight away with it all. We thought we'd ignore it and it would end quickly. Unfortunately that was not the case. It progressed, and became more frequent, included her friends and became very hard to control very quickly. The little circle it was in grew rapidly, and I know at one point Stephanie honestly felt like everyone hated her.

All platforms of social media were used, it wasn't limited to one gender and at times it felt like it wouldn't stop.


Question: How did you find information to respond to your daughter's experiences?

Ann Gallagher: Stephanie was already seeing a counsellor at headspace, so she was able to talk to them about her situation. I also used a lot of their resources, visited the Victorian Government e-safety website and reviewed information given to us by the school.

Instinct was used a lot too. I could see the toll it was taking, so we would have lots of open discussion about it.

I would research what I could on the topic and apply what I believed to be appropriate for our situation.


Question: Did you notice any changes in your daughter during the cyberbullying?

Ann Gallagher: Yes, there was lots of changes. She was someone that was rather social and I would often say she could talk underwater. This experience changed that. She became withdrawn, spent a lot of time in her room, didn't want to go out and even dressed differently, wearing bigger clothes and darker colours. She was always sad and felt and stated that she felt worthless. Self-harm and suicide plans were also made.


Question: How did you treat your daughter's mental ill-health after the cyberbullying?

Ann Gallagher: Stephanie is still working to manage her mental health and we are working with headspace counsellors on a regular basis. She takes a lot of self-care, meditates and uses a lot of alternative therapies. We spaced her VCE to go over three years so that she has time to focus on her recovery, as well as manage her school workload.

I ensure she spends time with her friends, continues with her netball, and she has now taken on a coaching role.

She now has some really supportive and understanding friendships, both online and offline. They have been extremely beneficial in her recovery and I would love to give a shout out to those people. They know who they are.


Question: What advice do you have for other parents in your situation?

Ann Gallagher: It's tough and it's hard work. I won't deny that, however, there will be light at the end of the tunnel as they say. The biggest point I would like to state is this. Listen as much as you can to your child, make sure they know they are being heard and their feelings are validated. In our situation, we got a little off focus by trying so hard to stop the bullying that we lost sight of the real focus which was Stephanie. This is really easy to do as you can be naturally very protective.

Explore all options and if changing schools would work, really consider it. We were in a semi regional area and other schools seemed so far out of reach to begin with but we managed to make it work.

Seek support, not just for your child but for yourself as well. Whether that be through professionals or a good group of supportive friends.

Self-care in whatever form works for you. You cannot pour from an empty cup!


Question: How did you encourage your daughter to return to school during and after the cyberbullying?

Ann Gallagher: At first, encouraging my daughter to go to school was a main focus. So, working with the school, we put procedures in place so that Stephanie would not be in the classroom. The wellbeing coordinators would check in with her regularly but it wasn't really helping her. Then, we looked at part time attendance and in the end, I knew making her go to school was only exacerbating the situation for her. Her behaviour was worse the night before she had to attend school. So we stopped her from going. We signed her up for distance education to finish year 10 and this way she was feeling safe at home, still being educated and had more time to focus on recovery.

We knew that just encouraging Steph to think about her options was all we could do. She needed to feel safe about going to a new school and being able to manage the workload. It was all going to be in her control.

She was able to see a vocational worker with headspace and discuss her options for VCE. Between that and her regular counselling visits, she was able to gain the courage to attend TAFE and now actually looks forward to going to school.


Question: How did the school respond to the cyberbullying?

Ann Gallagher: The school did what they could within the confines of the policies they had. As a lot of the cyberbullying happened outside of school, there wasn't too much they could do. They did support us with different schooling arrangements to suit Stephanie. They were encouraging of her in trying to make her see her self-worth and value. They pointed us in the direction of the police, particularly the cyber safety officers from the local police station and I was given a direct number so I could call them. The school facilitated a meeting with police at the school so it was not overwhelming for Stephanie to go to the station. They also arranged the police to talk to all year 10 students about cyberbullying as Stephanie's was one of three incidents occurring at that time in her year level.


Question: How do you feel about Victoria banning mobile phones at school?

Ann Gallagher: This is a hard one. Will it stop the bullying? Not entirely, no. I feel it will however lessen it somewhat. Most of the cyberbullying for us happened outside of school.

In saying that, I can see the benefit as it may encourage students to have more connections with others rather than be on the phone. In my opinion, making stronger connections with people aids in compassion, understanding and kindness and I feel that can go a long way in lessening cyberbullying and in building a kinder community of people. It also combats filming fights in the school yard and those being posted online.

In saying that, there are many children with anxiety and I know from personal experience how phones can be security for those who are finding it hard to manage their anxiety at school.


Interview by Brooke Hunter
Photo by Daria Nepriakhina on Unsplash