Crying Over Misspelt Milk

In my opinion, the only thing worse than spelling mistakes is unconventional spelling. I hate it. How can you expect anyone to know correct spelling when a "Drive Through" is always a "Drive Thru?" Oh dear, I've just revealed my terrible secret: I'm a spelling-Nazi. It gets worse all the time. I was walking past a blackboard menu outside a cafe and I almost stopped to rub out an unnecessary letter. If I were a super-hero I would stalk the streets in a stiff cardigan and a pair of sensible shoes, wielding a giant liquid paper pen. The only thing worse than unconventional spelling is unconventional name-spelling - I'd like to point out to parents that just because Anne of Green Gables was a unique and gifted child, it couldn't be attributed to the fact her name was "Anne with an 'e'".

Maybe the drugs are sometimes still wearing off when the birth certificate is being filled out because some choices defy explanation. One kid I know has to live with being called: "Blade" for all his life. With a name like that he has little choice but to become a Gladiator contestant. Another day a young American came handed me a form with just one letter for his first name. I handed it back and said, "We need your full name there." He smiled and replied, "That is my full name." There could never be an adequate explanation for this. The best explanation I could imagine was that his parents had aspirations for their son to someday wow the interview panel at MI6.

Princess Mary really has it tough - the royal baby name book is pretty slim. From what I hear you basically take any name that's been used before, pick your favourite, and then put the others after it in descending order of preference. It must be a weight off her mind - there is no need to outdo the uniqueness factor of other celebrity baby names. Even regular mums now agonise over whether to name their child after historical figures, exotic flowers or condiments. I know a mum who has named their child a title with equal pronunciation to the word Anarchy. I like it. If you are going to identify your child's most distinguishable trait then the highest state of social chaos is appropriate. I hope she names her next child "Kaos". With any luck, he or she would receive a doctorate. Until' that delightful day arrives, I'll continue correcting my spellchecker.

Author: Rachelle Boyle