It's You

Tom was on his way to work. Dressed in a black suit his eyes looked tired. He walked slowly with his head facing the dark bitumen, feet dropping heavy onto the pavement, eyes ignoring the passing, ears ignoring the tall creeping city sounds; body ignorant to life. He was lost, but he kept wondering, drifting along the black, through the layered city...until he stopped- midway between "...What time is it?" and "...Did I lock the car?"

In that moment his feet began sinking further and further into the bitumen. His heart began to race quicker and quicker, his hands started shaking uncontrollably and the city was still. Something was blocking his vision, it was not tangible yet somehow it draped his eyes; like the way one did late at night, casually drawing back curtains to block the morning light. He reached his trembling hands out into the unknown; he squirmed about trying to set himself free. But he was stuck. This was unreal. The wild night sounds seemed to fade and a crisp voice filtered into his thoughts. This voice placed weight upon him making him descend deeper into the black.

The voice spoke with a familiarity that sent a chill all... the... way... through him.

You're so close I feel you. Like a pull in my lungs I'm gasping, inhaling; an addict sucking the black tar from a cigarette. My thoughts pushing out just to get in. You're burning me, but I'll keep swallowing the vague charcoal just to feel alive again. Just to reach you.

Each word soothed, yet stung at the same time; like a bitter aftertaste that lingered, but he listened anyway for he had no choice. Taking in each bite, each word as if it were his last supper.

You feel like vodka at 3am; a guttural purging in my stomach, the heave of bitter tears. This sensational pain carves and spreads like a rumour through my bodies crevasses. But I want you all the same. He was speaking but his lips weren't moving, words had formed inside and he had to allow their escape. There was urgency in this other voice, a female voice that caused his heart to flutter and burn.

Wait. What is this? One fraction of time to feel? But it's not enough, just to look at you. I want to see with you! His secret thoughts screamed out into the darkness reaching only the voice and she carried them with her.

I'm whispering in your ear, almost eating it ...can you feel me Tom? Your draining me, do you know that? I'm fixing your collar, see? Why are you so still? You're shaking, can you see my hand? It's sitting in yours, look at it!

Where are we?

He couldn't help himself he was drawn to this voice, this force.

We are here Tom. You let me in. You stopped. Those powerful words opened his soul; he longed to hear more.

Deeper and deeper into the ground Tom sunk, swallowed but the crust that once held him up, her words holding more meaning than he could bear. NO! He cried in vain, in disbelief.

I'm telling you the truth! Why aren't you sweeter? You used be sweeter. She was touching him; he could feel warmth circling every inch of his being even though he was stuck in the black.

You are cold. You need a blanket. She kept talking to him; Tom hung onto every l e t t e r, desperately sucking in each sound like oxygen.

You're a stranger now. I left you whole! And now you're broken. You're frozen. Numb? I'm sorry...

He recognised the voice, and then he remembered.

It's you!

A pulse of water shot down the curves of his face.

Are you crying Tom? Breathe. She whispered so gently, her voice soft just as he remembered it years ago.

Did you feel that? Feel that quiver ripple in your heart? Tom asked into the night.

I found you. Tom was silent, embracing her words.

Suddenly, Tom stopped sinking, his head was just above the surface, he could breathe; only just.

What do I know? I know you can be ok Tom. You have to try -you have to live. Keep me Tom; keep me alive through the slow turning days.

And then she was gone. As if nothing had happened, Tom's feet were firmly on the ground. He wiggled his toes curiously then bounced hard against the asphalt. "Nothing unusual" he thought.

She was there in that moment she was the 'and' between "what time is it?" 'and'"did I lock the car?" And all Tom could do was keep breathing.

Katya Hone