Dr Girl/Dr Dejour Q&A
Hi Dr Dejour,
I have been having sex for a while and I don't think I can have an orgasm. I feel excited with my boyfriend but there is no big "bang" that everyone says there is supposed to be. What is wrong with me? Is there something I should do that I am not? Please help because my boyfriend gets cut that I am not having an orgasm - he thinks he is not doing something right.
Signed Faker.
Dear Miss Faker,
Am firstly glad to hear that the boyfriend has not been tricked by the 'faking'. You see if he were, neither you nor he would have incentive to investigate the matter.
Secondly you are quite normal. Some women never come and lead perfectly happy lives (doesn't sound like you'll be one of those though). Sexuality and orgasm for most women evolves over time, and there is no expiry date on the wiring. No need to rush.
Some people learn orgasm by themself (masturbation) and others are surprised by someone else, in a variety of situations. These situations have in common the clitoris, and a relaxed atmosphere (in the head) I would say.
The clitoris is the girl's version of the penis and it does all the things that a penis does. That is it becomes erect (bigger) and sensitive and will bring you to orgasm if handled in the right way (and for you this might be hard or soft touching, fast or slow, with finger or tongue or well, whatever). It's base surrounds the vagina and some women can come from penetrative sex alone because of this. An awful lot can't though and need direct clitoral attention.
When I say clitoral attention, you have to balance this with inattention and the latter is the harder part. When they said 'sex is all in the mind'... they were talking about women.
Happy hunting,
Dr Dejour.
I have been having sex for a while and I don't think I can have an orgasm. I feel excited with my boyfriend but there is no big "bang" that everyone says there is supposed to be. What is wrong with me? Is there something I should do that I am not? Please help because my boyfriend gets cut that I am not having an orgasm - he thinks he is not doing something right.
Signed Faker.
Dear Miss Faker,
Am firstly glad to hear that the boyfriend has not been tricked by the 'faking'. You see if he were, neither you nor he would have incentive to investigate the matter.
Secondly you are quite normal. Some women never come and lead perfectly happy lives (doesn't sound like you'll be one of those though). Sexuality and orgasm for most women evolves over time, and there is no expiry date on the wiring. No need to rush.
Some people learn orgasm by themself (masturbation) and others are surprised by someone else, in a variety of situations. These situations have in common the clitoris, and a relaxed atmosphere (in the head) I would say.
The clitoris is the girl's version of the penis and it does all the things that a penis does. That is it becomes erect (bigger) and sensitive and will bring you to orgasm if handled in the right way (and for you this might be hard or soft touching, fast or slow, with finger or tongue or well, whatever). It's base surrounds the vagina and some women can come from penetrative sex alone because of this. An awful lot can't though and need direct clitoral attention.
When I say clitoral attention, you have to balance this with inattention and the latter is the harder part. When they said 'sex is all in the mind'... they were talking about women.
Happy hunting,
Dr Dejour.
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