Overcoming Your Fears

What are fears? As human beings we all have them, though the enormity and subject of these fears can vary in degree. For example, some people (myself included!) might have a fear of spiders while others may have a great fear of heights, the dark, drowning etc.

According to the dictionary, the word "fear" denotes a painful feeling of impending danger, evil, trouble etc…the feeling or condition of being afraid.

So what prompts the horrible sensation of fear? The biggest trigger of fear is the thought of the "unknown" – that is, when we are confronted or experiencing particular situations, we are not exactly sure of what will happen to us and how it will ultimately affect us. Or in some instances, we jump ahead of ourselves and imagine what the outcome of a situation will be, which is usually ten times worse than the actual reality of the situation.

Take my fear of spiders for example. I have never had a particularly bad experience with these crawly creatures but I am absolutely petrified of spiders of any shape and size! Just the mere thought of having one of these leggy, prickly creatures crawling all over me, is enough to make me break out into a small sweat! (Note: as I write this article, a large daddy long legs is staring down at me from the corner of the ceiling above my desk!) I can't recall when or how my fear of spiders began but all I know is that I have been afraid of them since I can remember! And my brother didn't help matters a few years ago when he forced me to watch the movie "Arachnophobia" with him! What are big brothers for hey?

While I haven't as yet conquered my fear of spiders (I'm still working on that one!), all fears CAN be overcome. The key to achieving this is firstly being able to be strong enough to admit to ourselves, then others that we HAVE a fear. This is where many people can falter because they may be either too embarrassed or too proud to admit that they are afraid of certain things.

Sometimes fear can be viewed as a sign of failure and weakness, however it is more courageous to admit your fears than to deny or avoid ever having these feelings. Fear is a natural human emotion and is in built in us as a way of protecting ourselves; therefore it is perfectly normal to be afraid.

Only share your fears with people you trust. You may find that they are feeling the exact same way and this might provide you with an opening to work through your fears together. Or they may be able to share their thoughts and assist you in working through your feelings.

After admitting your fears, the next step is to work through and analyze them. There is a reason for everything that happens in life, as there are reasons why we fear certain things. Fears need to be knocked straight on the head and dealt with if we are to have any peace of mind, and can be done by locating the root of the problem. Once you can establish what is causing your fear, the easier it will be to solve the problem.

Put down your fears on paper. Once on paper they will appear a lot smaller than if they are swimming around inside your head! Write a positive message in response to your fear and keep it beside you either at home, school or work as a mantra to constantly refer to. On the same piece of paper, you may want to write down the action steps you plan to take to ensure that your fear doesn't consume your entire being. Keep in mind this saying, "Fear is the absence of a plan; action is one of the best antidotes."

As I continue to work on coming to grips with my fear of the leggy kind by repeatedly chanting to myself "spiders will not hurt me, spiders will not hurt me", GIRL went in search on the streets of Melbourne recently, to discover some of the biggest fears people have. Here is what a few people had to say:

"My biggest fear is having nobody special around me, like friends and family, to share my life with and being all alone."
Sarah, 17, Thomastown

"I have a massive fear of hairy spiders, rats, moths, butterflies, clowns, aliens and being in a small space crowded with people!"
Mirella, 28, Campbellfield

"My biggest fear is having no money and not being a success at whatever I choose to do."
Rebecca, 20, Ferntree Gully

"Hmmm, good question. I guess I'd have to say my biggest fear is of crawly things, like cockroaches and bugs. I hate them, they make me scream no matter what size they are!"
Jasmine, 21, Malvern East

"My biggest fear is a broken family!"
Jansen, 29, Dandenong

"Being a short person in a tall persons world! This is followed by my fear of failure and having to write things on the white board at work – I am not very good at spelling!"
Marisa, 30, St Kilda

"I have a fear of living on my own because I would get so bored! I also have a big fear of spiders!"
Francesca, 24, Northcote

"My biggest fear is the thought of being abducted by aliens and being told that I am really stupid."
Darrell, 18, Whittlesea

"My biggest fear is the return of Peter Andre and the banning of rollercoasters!"
Collette, 22, Coburg

"My biggest fear is drowning, I am petrified of going into the deep end of a pool."
Melanie, 29, Black Rock

"I have a fear of jumping from a great height. I can handle heights, abseiling, rock climbing etc. but I am fearful of jumping or falling."
Tracey, 32, South Morang

"I have a fear of waking up and coming to work!"
Joseph, 25, Box Hill

"I have a huge fear of the mullet hairstyle!"
Geoff, 30, Broadmeadows

"Bridges or steps that have holes and gaps in them. If I can see through to the ground no matter what is underneath, be it grass, water, road or whatever I just freeze up and can't move. Even when I shut my eyes or look straight ahead I still can't move... my legs just go like concrete...you can hold on to my hand and try to move me but I'm just stuck there!"
Lou, 28, Hastings

** WE want to know what YOUR biggest fear is! Post your responses in our DISCUSSION FORUM. **

- Annemarie Failla