How Attentive Is Your Guy?
It's hard to find the perfect guy, and I bet you are all wondering why? Well I hate to disappoint you all, but just as the perfect female does not exist, either does the perfect male. But there are versions of what can be considered to be the 'almost perfect' guy. This is the sort of guy that you enjoy spending time with, and at the end of the day really don't want to change anything about him.
Remember he's the wrong guy if you walk into the relationship and want to change who he is. Imagine how you wouldn't like it, if your guy sat you down and said, "Hey, I don't like your laugh, or the way you dress!"
The problem with relationships is that often you don't know what you are walking into. And once you're there, and you get to know him, you begin to see that he may not be meeting your needs. If this is the case, all you can do is try and talk to him, but don't try and tell him to change (that never goes down well!) It's best to let him know how his behaviour makes you feel, instead of criticising him.
The following is a "reality check" list:
1/ He listens
To test him on this, say something involving two or three things (don't let him know you are testing him). For example you could say, "I'm just going out to have coffee with......" (make sure you name your friend) "Then we're going shopping for ......" (name some kind of item) " at............" (name the street, or shopping centre you plan to go to). Now ask him to repeat who you are catching up with, what you are doing, and where you are going to do it. If he gets two of these right, he's doing well for a guy. If he can't remember any of it...well, maybe you need to look at your options.
2/ He wants to spend more time with his friends than you!
It's healthy in a relationship to have separate friends; it's even better when you can both hang out with each other's friends when you're together. But if you find he only wants to see you once or twice a week, and spends the rest of his spare time hanging out with his mates (and you've been together for a while), then you may want to address the issue.
3/ He understands your hormonal swings.
Not every female gets moody when her period is due, but I'd have to wage that most of you have your hormonal moment from time to time. It's during these days we need to feel loved and excepted, especially when you feel bloated and none of your clothes fit! So it's important that the man in your life understands that during this time of the month, another personality may enter your head, and for him to be considerate of this. Even if he's only pretending, it's good enough, as guys don't get periods, so really we can't expect them to completely know what we're going through. So faking empathy towards you is acceptable.
4/ He calls and visits you regularly.
Now there are various versions of what is acceptable, depending on how long you've been seeing each other, and how serious the relationship is. You can't expect him to call three times a day, or even visit you every night, as it's important for you to both have your own lives apart. Spending too much time together can be unhealthy, and actually cause an early break-up. It's good to have some space, as this is when you can miss each other, and do things separately so that you can both have something to talk about when you do catch up. However, if he only calls twice a week, and visits even less, when you've been dating for a while, you may want to discuss it with him.
You may also need to evaluate who is making the effort. If it's just you calling all the time, stop calling and see what happens. Maybe you always jump the gun and never give him any space to call you. But don't sit at home waiting for his call either, this is unproductive and unhealthy, you need to live your life. If you are the one who is always visiting, stop, and see what happens. You may find he'll start coming to you. If he doesn't, ask yourself is he worth the wait?
5/ He lets you choose the movies you watch together.
If he doesn't fall asleep - keep him forever.
6/ He gives great hugs and kisses.
What's the point of having a relationship if you don't get lots of warm hugs, and passionate loving kisses? If you're guy doesn't give you these, or you don't enjoy them when he does, you've got the wrong guy!
- Louise Ganey
Remember he's the wrong guy if you walk into the relationship and want to change who he is. Imagine how you wouldn't like it, if your guy sat you down and said, "Hey, I don't like your laugh, or the way you dress!"
The problem with relationships is that often you don't know what you are walking into. And once you're there, and you get to know him, you begin to see that he may not be meeting your needs. If this is the case, all you can do is try and talk to him, but don't try and tell him to change (that never goes down well!) It's best to let him know how his behaviour makes you feel, instead of criticising him.
The following is a "reality check" list:
1/ He listens
To test him on this, say something involving two or three things (don't let him know you are testing him). For example you could say, "I'm just going out to have coffee with......" (make sure you name your friend) "Then we're going shopping for ......" (name some kind of item) " at............" (name the street, or shopping centre you plan to go to). Now ask him to repeat who you are catching up with, what you are doing, and where you are going to do it. If he gets two of these right, he's doing well for a guy. If he can't remember any of it...well, maybe you need to look at your options.
2/ He wants to spend more time with his friends than you!
It's healthy in a relationship to have separate friends; it's even better when you can both hang out with each other's friends when you're together. But if you find he only wants to see you once or twice a week, and spends the rest of his spare time hanging out with his mates (and you've been together for a while), then you may want to address the issue.
3/ He understands your hormonal swings.
Not every female gets moody when her period is due, but I'd have to wage that most of you have your hormonal moment from time to time. It's during these days we need to feel loved and excepted, especially when you feel bloated and none of your clothes fit! So it's important that the man in your life understands that during this time of the month, another personality may enter your head, and for him to be considerate of this. Even if he's only pretending, it's good enough, as guys don't get periods, so really we can't expect them to completely know what we're going through. So faking empathy towards you is acceptable.
4/ He calls and visits you regularly.
Now there are various versions of what is acceptable, depending on how long you've been seeing each other, and how serious the relationship is. You can't expect him to call three times a day, or even visit you every night, as it's important for you to both have your own lives apart. Spending too much time together can be unhealthy, and actually cause an early break-up. It's good to have some space, as this is when you can miss each other, and do things separately so that you can both have something to talk about when you do catch up. However, if he only calls twice a week, and visits even less, when you've been dating for a while, you may want to discuss it with him.
You may also need to evaluate who is making the effort. If it's just you calling all the time, stop calling and see what happens. Maybe you always jump the gun and never give him any space to call you. But don't sit at home waiting for his call either, this is unproductive and unhealthy, you need to live your life. If you are the one who is always visiting, stop, and see what happens. You may find he'll start coming to you. If he doesn't, ask yourself is he worth the wait?
5/ He lets you choose the movies you watch together.
If he doesn't fall asleep - keep him forever.
6/ He gives great hugs and kisses.
What's the point of having a relationship if you don't get lots of warm hugs, and passionate loving kisses? If you're guy doesn't give you these, or you don't enjoy them when he does, you've got the wrong guy!
- Louise Ganey
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