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Dear Caught In The Middle,
I do not envy your current position and I can only imagine how you are feeling. Confused, frustrated and angry perhaps? This is a complex problem to tackle. It is time for you to be assertive. You must confront both of your friends at the same time - face to face. There is no point talking to each one of your friends individually as this will only result in the same mess that you find yourself in at the present moment! You need to express to your friends that you are not prepared to take sides. Tell them how you are feeling, and take some focus away from their feelings for a while. I suggest to try and focus on 'I' statements as opposed to 'you' statements as the latter implies blame. Hopefully, if they are true friends they will listen to your feelings. It may also be a good idea for your friends to discuss either in front of yourself (you acting as the facilitator), or in private, the status of their own relationship. They need to get to the root of the problem, and realise they cannot expect to find the answers to their arguments in you. It is often easier to point the finger at someone other than ourselves! Your friends should feel comfortable enough (as close friends) to be sufficiently open about their feelings towards each other (and other specific relationship factors). Only then can they develop the appropriate means of dealing with whatever the problem may be. Given that I do not know about the foundation of the arguments, I cannot advise you on any specific strategies. But the advice I have given you is the platform from which to start. Good luck girlfriend. Be brave.
So what are you waiting for girls?
Please note: questions can not be answered personally.
Submit your burning questions to:
Dear Girl is here to help! GO TO > Dear Girl
Dear Girl,
I am best friends with two girls who I have known for three years. But whenever they fight with each other I get caught in the middle of their arguments, as they are both my friends, and usually end up getting blamed for the fight, when it had nothing to do with me in the first place. They both confide in me and then expect me to be on both their sides. I don't want to take sides as they are both my best friends but somehow I always come out looking guilty to one or the other.
Signed Caught In The Middle.
I am best friends with two girls who I have known for three years. But whenever they fight with each other I get caught in the middle of their arguments, as they are both my friends, and usually end up getting blamed for the fight, when it had nothing to do with me in the first place. They both confide in me and then expect me to be on both their sides. I don't want to take sides as they are both my best friends but somehow I always come out looking guilty to one or the other.
Signed Caught In The Middle.
Dear Caught In The Middle,
I do not envy your current position and I can only imagine how you are feeling. Confused, frustrated and angry perhaps? This is a complex problem to tackle. It is time for you to be assertive. You must confront both of your friends at the same time - face to face. There is no point talking to each one of your friends individually as this will only result in the same mess that you find yourself in at the present moment! You need to express to your friends that you are not prepared to take sides. Tell them how you are feeling, and take some focus away from their feelings for a while. I suggest to try and focus on 'I' statements as opposed to 'you' statements as the latter implies blame. Hopefully, if they are true friends they will listen to your feelings. It may also be a good idea for your friends to discuss either in front of yourself (you acting as the facilitator), or in private, the status of their own relationship. They need to get to the root of the problem, and realise they cannot expect to find the answers to their arguments in you. It is often easier to point the finger at someone other than ourselves! Your friends should feel comfortable enough (as close friends) to be sufficiently open about their feelings towards each other (and other specific relationship factors). Only then can they develop the appropriate means of dealing with whatever the problem may be. Given that I do not know about the foundation of the arguments, I cannot advise you on any specific strategies. But the advice I have given you is the platform from which to start. Good luck girlfriend. Be brave.
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